Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
