I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
