I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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