at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
