:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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