how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
