Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
