I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
