just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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