So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
