Where are you?
In a non slutty way
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
