dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
