I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
