I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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