You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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