I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Say something about gay babies.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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