Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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