I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
