he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
