I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
