Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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