He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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