There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
