Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
