if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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