hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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