okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
