I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
