are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
