Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
