literally had 100 drinks last night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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