If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
