i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
