so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
