life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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