those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
