i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
