FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i dont even know how to be here
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
