True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
