I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
love makes seman taste better
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
