Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
