had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
