I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
