I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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