i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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