My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
