my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
