i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
