O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
