i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
